In order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from all employees, it will be our policy
to keep all employees well trained through our program, 
Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than any
other employer in our industry. If you feel that you do
not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see
your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of
our S.H.I.T. list, our managers are especially skilled at
seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees, who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in our
Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P.
S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they
were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as
they are all full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of
S.H.I.T. you may be interested in training others. We can
add your name to our BASIC understanding Lecture List
(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.
will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to
Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). If
you have further questions, please direct them to Head Of
Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
Boss in General, Special High Intensity Training
(B.I.G.  S.H.I.T.)